How do you stop yourself from loving someone when you know it will never work out?
one of the many questions i've been asking myself the past year.
and still i can't figure out the answer.
someone once said, "you have to meet many wrong ones to help you decide who is the right one in the end."
easily said than experienced.
it hurts.
it really does.
the first 2 was just for fun. yes. i admit. i did not see a future with them at all.
the 3rd, i thought was the perfect one. was head over heels for that guy. yes.i was blinded. but a relationship built up on lies will surely die. and so it did. n i still blame myself for turning him to what he had become.
the 4th. i learned to love him. and his family. BIG MISTAKE? now maybe. i am totally my self when im around him. but i don't think he likes it. we fight. a lot. what do you expect...2 firstborns. i tried to make it work. the 1st year was ok. 2nd year just tumble down the hill.
i've learnt a lot of things from 4th. n today i learn that i'm not such an easy person to tolerate with. i learn that he can't open up to me like he used to because he figured we will fight at every conversation we have.
honestly. i can't blame him. i am not an easy child. demanding. i always want things my way. but there is a vast difference when i'm angry and when i'm sad. when i'm sad, i'll keep my mouth shut. when i'm angry i'll surely scream my guts out. and i hate myself when i'm angry. i'll do stupid things. i'll say stupid thing. there is no point of regretting. what's said is said and what's done is done. and i have nobody to blame but myself.
but i hate being lied to. that is one of the pillars that make me kept walking out from 3rd.
i hate being left out on details. how am i supposed to know anything if one does not share it to my knowledge? how am i supposed to understand you if you don't try to make me understand you? i'm not psychic. i don't read minds.
it was supposed to be a good day. but it ended up the other way.
i'm really sorry.
but you know why i was so infuriated.
a simple sorry would have made it all better.
but you choose to lie.
go ahead.
i am nothing to you anyway.
Sometimes we have to run away from the people we love.
Not because we want them to realize our worth,
but for us to realize our own worth.
and like Adele's song
sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead.
