As i sit here and trying hard to recall what I've accomplish through the past year, I realize I've not done much to be proud of. Nothing actually.
Life as i know continues to flow. Time passed quickly.
Time flies when you are having fun.
I know i am enjoying every second of my existence.
Monday, 10 March 2014
Saturday, 11 January 2014
At your Parent's MERCY
When a friend asked why did I choose to continue my studies in peninsular Malaysia rather than staying (comfortably...and not to forget cost effectively) in Sabah and have it done in UMS itself, my answer was just: "i need to be away in order to study."
"I need to be away in order to study."
I repeated the sentence to myself; then I started to wonder.
Really? I must be away to study? Then why not cut their throats and go off to UK?
What was it that attracted me too much to KL that after I was done with my degree I wished to go back and continue my masters?
What?
FREEDOM.
A word that does not exist in our household.
If you want to go out, ask mom; and if you went out of the house at 9am you better be back by 6pm, if you went out of the house after 6pm, you better get back before midnight; coz after midnight the machetes comes out. Yes, machetes. I'm not kidding.
Outing to the islands? NO.
Clubbing? NO.
Road trip with friends? NO.
FREEDOM.
That was what attracted me to go out, far from the comfort of my parent's house.
I can go and come back as I please. I can do whatever I want. As long as my studies are straight. Which somehow had constrained me on doing crazy stuff like backpacking around the peninsular, or late night clubbing which I dont fancy in KL.
But my so called "Freedom" is of course only temporary. Once im back in KK, feet will be chained.
Plus, having no income means I have to live at my parent's mercy. Budget has always been tight, some days I wonder how did I ever managed to get around all that.
Living at your parent's mercy do have it's own pros and cons. Most of my American friends said i'm lucky to still have my parents who cares shtt about me and covers my finances. I wouldn't call it lucky, i'd called my self BLESSED.
At my age, I personally believe that we must be able to fend for ourselves, and stand on our own two feet.
That is what I believe; and if that was my reality i'd be living on the streets by now.
See, the Asian families are very much different. Our parents would love to keep us at home even after we are married. Why? That is just how we roll.
Living at your parent's mercy means they are the King & Queen of your life, they dictate what you can do and cannot do, they let you grow dependent on them for everything so that when you needed something you would do as they say. and that my friend equals to you not having any say in your life. Bummer.
Most times I wished I can just do as I please. It is only a wish.
As long as my parents are still paying for the car i'm driving, the roof i'm staying under, and my bills be it insurance or mobile phone, I have to live at their mercy.
"I need to be away in order to study."
I repeated the sentence to myself; then I started to wonder.
Really? I must be away to study? Then why not cut their throats and go off to UK?
What was it that attracted me too much to KL that after I was done with my degree I wished to go back and continue my masters?
What?
FREEDOM.
A word that does not exist in our household.
If you want to go out, ask mom; and if you went out of the house at 9am you better be back by 6pm, if you went out of the house after 6pm, you better get back before midnight; coz after midnight the machetes comes out. Yes, machetes. I'm not kidding.
Outing to the islands? NO.
Clubbing? NO.
Road trip with friends? NO.
FREEDOM.
That was what attracted me to go out, far from the comfort of my parent's house.
I can go and come back as I please. I can do whatever I want. As long as my studies are straight. Which somehow had constrained me on doing crazy stuff like backpacking around the peninsular, or late night clubbing which I dont fancy in KL.
But my so called "Freedom" is of course only temporary. Once im back in KK, feet will be chained.
Plus, having no income means I have to live at my parent's mercy. Budget has always been tight, some days I wonder how did I ever managed to get around all that.
Living at your parent's mercy do have it's own pros and cons. Most of my American friends said i'm lucky to still have my parents who cares shtt about me and covers my finances. I wouldn't call it lucky, i'd called my self BLESSED.
At my age, I personally believe that we must be able to fend for ourselves, and stand on our own two feet.
That is what I believe; and if that was my reality i'd be living on the streets by now.
See, the Asian families are very much different. Our parents would love to keep us at home even after we are married. Why? That is just how we roll.
Living at your parent's mercy means they are the King & Queen of your life, they dictate what you can do and cannot do, they let you grow dependent on them for everything so that when you needed something you would do as they say. and that my friend equals to you not having any say in your life. Bummer.
Most times I wished I can just do as I please. It is only a wish.
As long as my parents are still paying for the car i'm driving, the roof i'm staying under, and my bills be it insurance or mobile phone, I have to live at their mercy.
Monday, 30 December 2013
Thursday, 31 October 2013
Persatuan Mahasiswa Sabah University Malaya Charity Concert 2013
So the story goes: Sabahans being Sabahans..we LOVE Gatherings a.k.a Keramaian a.k.a ARAMAITI. Especially, if given the chance to showcase our culture in forms of our native attire, dance, and songs in order to raise funds for CHARITY. We got our chance, and garnered enough manpower to put on a concert in aid of MERCY Malaysia (SABAH).
All profits from the concert will proceed to MERCY Malaysia where it will be channeled to fund their trips to the interior and less fortunate part of Sabah. MERCY is a non- profit organisation which provides medical relief, sustainable health development and risk reduction activities within vulnerable communities in Malaysia and internationally in crisis and non-crisis situation.
Event page: https://www.facebook.com/events/492306570864460/General page: https://www.facebook.com/konsertamalanaksabahanum?ref=ts&fref=ts
The setback is, we need more support on the financial side. Hence, we would like to appeal for your generous contribution...whoever you are reading this.
Please be assured that any amount of donation will go a long way in supporting the neediest and marginalized in our community. It will also go a long way in promoting unity among students and the population in general.
For further details on the event and how you can channel your contribution, please feel free to drop me a line.
All profits from the concert will proceed to MERCY Malaysia where it will be channeled to fund their trips to the interior and less fortunate part of Sabah. MERCY is a non- profit organisation which provides medical relief, sustainable health development and risk reduction activities within vulnerable communities in Malaysia and internationally in crisis and non-crisis situation.
Event page: https://www.facebook.com/events/492306570864460/General page: https://www.facebook.com/konsertamalanaksabahanum?ref=ts&fref=ts
The setback is, we need more support on the financial side. Hence, we would like to appeal for your generous contribution...whoever you are reading this.
Please be assured that any amount of donation will go a long way in supporting the neediest and marginalized in our community. It will also go a long way in promoting unity among students and the population in general.
For further details on the event and how you can channel your contribution, please feel free to drop me a line.
Friday, 11 October 2013
When God calls you home, you GO Home.
Death it self is not
a tragedy. It is the way that one dies that causes so much agony.
Death is certain, to
every living person. We'll all die one day.
Certainly we'd want
to live a long life;
Long enough to do
things we want to do, long enough to have children, long enough to see them
grow up, long enough to see them prosper, long enough to see them have children
of their own;
yet short enough to
not feel the deterioration of our own body, that weakness on our knees, or that
leak in our bladder, and most certainly short enough to not be a burden to our
family.
Alas, who are we
kidding? Thinking that we are in control of this life?
When God calls you
home, you GO Home.
Our lifetime -
unpredictable.
Seize every moment.
Live your life to
the best that you can.
Exploit what has
been given to you.
So that when the
time really comes for you,
know that You have
made a difference in this world.
When will my time
come? I don’t know;
but when it comes,
do remember me in your prayers.
In memory of Marc
Joel Bansh 21 January 1991 - 10 October 2013.
Eternal rest grant
unto him, O Lord.
Monday, 30 September 2013
Destructive Selfishness.
And when I start to question,
Why God let such terrible things to happen;
The voice inside my head revolted,
Human actions are based on their own free will,
It is our own selfishness that causes shit to happen.
When God given conscience isn't used to its capacity;
When earthly pleasure is put above all things;
When we only care of what happens today, but not what consequences it will bring tomorrow;
When we have a religion, yet live like Godless beings.
I wonder how do these people sleep at night.
Don't their conscience eat them from their insides?
Is their heart so rotten till their conscience died?
Why God let such terrible things to happen;
The voice inside my head revolted,
Human actions are based on their own free will,
It is our own selfishness that causes shit to happen.
When God given conscience isn't used to its capacity;
When earthly pleasure is put above all things;
When we only care of what happens today, but not what consequences it will bring tomorrow;
When we have a religion, yet live like Godless beings.
I wonder how do these people sleep at night.
Don't their conscience eat them from their insides?
Is their heart so rotten till their conscience died?
Tuesday, 2 July 2013
Mid Year Review 2013
Today marks the end of the first half of 2013. Time to review and reflect on the developments and happenings.
I do not have an elaborated new years resolution (as always). All I set my self to accomplish this year is to get fit, handle my studies as best as I could (and hopefully complete my project paper by end of the year), and to do good, all while being HIS instrument for the glory of HIS kingdom. So what have i done so far?
January
Weigh in at 56kg. Measurements (cm): Arms 26, Chest 87, Waist 77, Hip 98, Thigh 56. Target weight at end of the year 51kg.
Plans to get to ideal weight: eat clean, rest well, exercise. Like what else can i do?
Spent new year's eve by doing revision for my exams. My 1st paper was on the 3rd of Jan. Joy Killer. Still, nothing beats the feeling of spending new year's eve with the people you love. No, I did not go for an adventure like the year before. Was at home, with acha, omma, fish, and dino. Yes, Dino. He could have gone out with his friends and get wasted, but he choose to be with my family and I. What's not to love about that? Was also our little sacred date, so yeah, Dino made me feel extremely appreciated..and he doesn't know it..unless he reads this..or somebody who reads this goes and tell him. Anyways, I am grateful to God and all His blessings showered upon me, upon us, upon my family, upon my friends, and upon the whole world.
February
Decided not to weigh myself on the 1st day of the month, in order to avoid being crushed by my own unreasonable expectations.
Went back to KK in time for Chinese New Year. FAMILY-FOOD-FUN. Nothing can beat THAT! And seeing Dino's parents when they were tipsy as tipsy could be proved that everyone is young at heart. Like really really young.
Valentines day was different this year around. For the 1st time, we get to spend time together. The year before we only had our phones to connect with each other, separated by the South China Sea. Hey, long distance is never easy. I didn't make any valentines card this year. I need not compensate my absence. And no, there were no chocolates nor flowers, coz 1: we are trying to lose weight, 2: we were both dirt broke. You may question how did 2 brats from well to do families became broke, well...hate to burst your bubble but it's our parents who are rich not us. I might have scratched his ego a little for stating the fact that he didn't made any reservations for us, when he knew well we were going for dinner. But I was amazed by the way he tolerated me. Like really. No plan was a good plan after all. We laughed the night away with his silly jokes, and my slapstick comebacks. It was a good night.
I weigh in before going back to KL, 58kg. HOLLY MOLLY. I blame the pineapple tarts!
My third semester commenced, and I skipped the 1st class for PXGM6103 coz my flight was later that evening :P my 1st time purposely not going for class, and it did not feel good. I'm a total nerd, i know.
March
NEW POPE! Thanks to technology advancements, managed to catch a glimpse of black smoke coming out of the Sistine Chapel twice. Stayed up all night praying for white smoke to appear. I had no idea who were in the conclave, all I remember praying for is His will be done. We all thought it was going to be a long conclave - like the usual. Who would have though white smoke came after 5 ballots on the 2nd day of voting. I slept off in front of my laptop only waking up to Swiss Guards marching and cheers from people at St. Peter's Square. So I waited for the new Pope to appear. And as i see the old man in white appearing at the balcony and waving his hand like he doesn't know what to do with them..tremendous joy filled my heart. Habemus Papam! and to know that he is a Jesuit, was the icing on my cake. When the translator translated His Holiness' first message to the crowd, "...pray for me..." I fell in love with that man.
Like any Roman Catholic would do, I went on a research about this old man. And my love for him grew. I never knew I could love a Pope like I do now. Never realized how crucial it is to pray for the Pope. Many people are ticked off by the way His Holiness is handling his office, but hey, he's a JESUIT :P
Birthday? No candles this year. Cake? Stole few bites from SueXien's cake. Did my 1st presentation for 6103 on my birthday, and went to Secret Recipe for dinner while doing assignments afterwards. Managed to hid my birth date from Facebook, didn't want my wall to be flooded; but notifications poured in, even till a week after. So many birthday wishes and affirmations. I am contented. 25, and contented.
April
Finally sent the material for the bridesmaid dress to a tailor. It was no fun looking for a good tailor. To look for a tailor who is willing to sew the dress was already a challenge! Settled with the tailor at the beauty parlour i go to to get my eyebrows threaded. Crossing fingers and toes and praying hard for it to come out as I expected it to be.
Went back home for the semester break! Time of my life. FOOD-FOOD-and more FOOD! Weighed in at 58kg. HUFF!
The 13th General Elections campaigns were on. Flags everywhere. I got scared to drive whenever there was heavy rain or strong winds. The flags erected everywhere didn't look like it was secured properly. Most was on the road the 1st week itself when heavy rain came. I dreaded news reports of people getting injured from campaign materials. One report says a man was killed after the wood used to erect the flag stabbed him on his neck. OUCH!
May
I went back home for elections. Yes, was my 1st time voting. And Yes, I had mixed feelings from the results. Though the people I voted for got into office, the overall result was just..MEH. We waited for results till we got knocked out. I think I blew my credit limit of my mobile phone that night, refreshing the GE13 results provided by an independent observer, coz everything on TV was bullshhting us. my hearts sank when i saw the final results. Screw it. 50 years of power, who are we kidding?
Went back to KL few days before Dino's birthday. Didn't manage to finish the gift i wanted to give him. Sigh. Later then.
May was really challenging. Mental breakdowns. Emotional breakdowns. Wanted to just pack my bags and leave. Like just seriously end all the struggle. I am too close to quit, yet still too far to succeed.
June
Depression sank in. Emotional breakdowns got worst. Workload and stress was just overbearing. I just tried my best to survive a day at a time. Pretty much screwed my final project paper, missed the due date for proposal submission which was in May. My supervisor quit UM. Thankfully got that sorted by the end of the month. Screwed my 3rd semester exams as well. Come what may.
Moved out of Hillpark and into Heritage. Best move made. Thankfully I have super friends whom helped me to moved my stuff in an hour, even helped me cleaned Heritage unit. The house warming was made even more meaningful by Fr.Alberto's presence. Yeap, he came to blessed the unit. It was unexpected, coz i didnt request for him to come, but Boni asked him to join us for makan after mass, and on his freewill he came! Felt so blessed! See...God provide us with all that we need, and we needed to get the unit blessed.
I really enjoyed the last 2 weeks of June. Fish was back in KK. I volunteered to facilitate confirmation camp with Eddy & team. That weekend really fulfilled my yearning to go out of my comfort zone and start serving others. To be His instrument is what I yearn for.
Came back from camp and had Angel to accompany me for my 1st 2 nights at the unit without my brother. Sent her back on Tuesday coz her next exam was on Wednesday. When i got back to the unit, everything seemed fine. Being the paranoid that I am I checked every door and made sure it was secure before going for my nap. I got freaked out when I went to collect the clothes from the hanging station and saw one of the the window was magically opened. i am 100% sure I didn't opened it due to the haze. I went on and closed the window, grabbed the knives, and hid myself in the room till Brandon came and made sure the unit was clear off intruder. Scary. I don't mind if it was paranormal activity, but I am scared out of my wits thinking what if there is an intruder in the unit. Only human can hurt another human. After that I had friends over at the unit almost every day.
Half of the year had passed, and I guess I'm doing ok. Looking forward for more adventures.
I do not have an elaborated new years resolution (as always). All I set my self to accomplish this year is to get fit, handle my studies as best as I could (and hopefully complete my project paper by end of the year), and to do good, all while being HIS instrument for the glory of HIS kingdom. So what have i done so far?
January
Weigh in at 56kg. Measurements (cm): Arms 26, Chest 87, Waist 77, Hip 98, Thigh 56. Target weight at end of the year 51kg.
Plans to get to ideal weight: eat clean, rest well, exercise. Like what else can i do?
Spent new year's eve by doing revision for my exams. My 1st paper was on the 3rd of Jan. Joy Killer. Still, nothing beats the feeling of spending new year's eve with the people you love. No, I did not go for an adventure like the year before. Was at home, with acha, omma, fish, and dino. Yes, Dino. He could have gone out with his friends and get wasted, but he choose to be with my family and I. What's not to love about that? Was also our little sacred date, so yeah, Dino made me feel extremely appreciated..and he doesn't know it..unless he reads this..or somebody who reads this goes and tell him. Anyways, I am grateful to God and all His blessings showered upon me, upon us, upon my family, upon my friends, and upon the whole world.
February
Decided not to weigh myself on the 1st day of the month, in order to avoid being crushed by my own unreasonable expectations.
Went back to KK in time for Chinese New Year. FAMILY-FOOD-FUN. Nothing can beat THAT! And seeing Dino's parents when they were tipsy as tipsy could be proved that everyone is young at heart. Like really really young.
Valentines day was different this year around. For the 1st time, we get to spend time together. The year before we only had our phones to connect with each other, separated by the South China Sea. Hey, long distance is never easy. I didn't make any valentines card this year. I need not compensate my absence. And no, there were no chocolates nor flowers, coz 1: we are trying to lose weight, 2: we were both dirt broke. You may question how did 2 brats from well to do families became broke, well...hate to burst your bubble but it's our parents who are rich not us. I might have scratched his ego a little for stating the fact that he didn't made any reservations for us, when he knew well we were going for dinner. But I was amazed by the way he tolerated me. Like really. No plan was a good plan after all. We laughed the night away with his silly jokes, and my slapstick comebacks. It was a good night.
I weigh in before going back to KL, 58kg. HOLLY MOLLY. I blame the pineapple tarts!
My third semester commenced, and I skipped the 1st class for PXGM6103 coz my flight was later that evening :P my 1st time purposely not going for class, and it did not feel good. I'm a total nerd, i know.
March
NEW POPE! Thanks to technology advancements, managed to catch a glimpse of black smoke coming out of the Sistine Chapel twice. Stayed up all night praying for white smoke to appear. I had no idea who were in the conclave, all I remember praying for is His will be done. We all thought it was going to be a long conclave - like the usual. Who would have though white smoke came after 5 ballots on the 2nd day of voting. I slept off in front of my laptop only waking up to Swiss Guards marching and cheers from people at St. Peter's Square. So I waited for the new Pope to appear. And as i see the old man in white appearing at the balcony and waving his hand like he doesn't know what to do with them..tremendous joy filled my heart. Habemus Papam! and to know that he is a Jesuit, was the icing on my cake. When the translator translated His Holiness' first message to the crowd, "...pray for me..." I fell in love with that man.
Like any Roman Catholic would do, I went on a research about this old man. And my love for him grew. I never knew I could love a Pope like I do now. Never realized how crucial it is to pray for the Pope. Many people are ticked off by the way His Holiness is handling his office, but hey, he's a JESUIT :P
Birthday? No candles this year. Cake? Stole few bites from SueXien's cake. Did my 1st presentation for 6103 on my birthday, and went to Secret Recipe for dinner while doing assignments afterwards. Managed to hid my birth date from Facebook, didn't want my wall to be flooded; but notifications poured in, even till a week after. So many birthday wishes and affirmations. I am contented. 25, and contented.
April
Finally sent the material for the bridesmaid dress to a tailor. It was no fun looking for a good tailor. To look for a tailor who is willing to sew the dress was already a challenge! Settled with the tailor at the beauty parlour i go to to get my eyebrows threaded. Crossing fingers and toes and praying hard for it to come out as I expected it to be.
Went back home for the semester break! Time of my life. FOOD-FOOD-and more FOOD! Weighed in at 58kg. HUFF!
The 13th General Elections campaigns were on. Flags everywhere. I got scared to drive whenever there was heavy rain or strong winds. The flags erected everywhere didn't look like it was secured properly. Most was on the road the 1st week itself when heavy rain came. I dreaded news reports of people getting injured from campaign materials. One report says a man was killed after the wood used to erect the flag stabbed him on his neck. OUCH!
May
I went back home for elections. Yes, was my 1st time voting. And Yes, I had mixed feelings from the results. Though the people I voted for got into office, the overall result was just..MEH. We waited for results till we got knocked out. I think I blew my credit limit of my mobile phone that night, refreshing the GE13 results provided by an independent observer, coz everything on TV was bullshhting us. my hearts sank when i saw the final results. Screw it. 50 years of power, who are we kidding?
Went back to KL few days before Dino's birthday. Didn't manage to finish the gift i wanted to give him. Sigh. Later then.
May was really challenging. Mental breakdowns. Emotional breakdowns. Wanted to just pack my bags and leave. Like just seriously end all the struggle. I am too close to quit, yet still too far to succeed.
June
Depression sank in. Emotional breakdowns got worst. Workload and stress was just overbearing. I just tried my best to survive a day at a time. Pretty much screwed my final project paper, missed the due date for proposal submission which was in May. My supervisor quit UM. Thankfully got that sorted by the end of the month. Screwed my 3rd semester exams as well. Come what may.
Moved out of Hillpark and into Heritage. Best move made. Thankfully I have super friends whom helped me to moved my stuff in an hour, even helped me cleaned Heritage unit. The house warming was made even more meaningful by Fr.Alberto's presence. Yeap, he came to blessed the unit. It was unexpected, coz i didnt request for him to come, but Boni asked him to join us for makan after mass, and on his freewill he came! Felt so blessed! See...God provide us with all that we need, and we needed to get the unit blessed.
I really enjoyed the last 2 weeks of June. Fish was back in KK. I volunteered to facilitate confirmation camp with Eddy & team. That weekend really fulfilled my yearning to go out of my comfort zone and start serving others. To be His instrument is what I yearn for.
Came back from camp and had Angel to accompany me for my 1st 2 nights at the unit without my brother. Sent her back on Tuesday coz her next exam was on Wednesday. When i got back to the unit, everything seemed fine. Being the paranoid that I am I checked every door and made sure it was secure before going for my nap. I got freaked out when I went to collect the clothes from the hanging station and saw one of the the window was magically opened. i am 100% sure I didn't opened it due to the haze. I went on and closed the window, grabbed the knives, and hid myself in the room till Brandon came and made sure the unit was clear off intruder. Scary. I don't mind if it was paranormal activity, but I am scared out of my wits thinking what if there is an intruder in the unit. Only human can hurt another human. After that I had friends over at the unit almost every day.
Half of the year had passed, and I guess I'm doing ok. Looking forward for more adventures.
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